phoenix 5 - to help men and their companions overcome issues created by prostate cancer
main menu   -   prostate   -   stories   -   articles   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

cover of Making Love Again by Virginia and Keith Laken

photo of Keith and Virginia Laken
with permission of
Ant Hill Press
A selection from
Making Love Again
by Virginia and Keith Laken

by Keith Laken

Although this book is written by my wife, Virginia, it has always been important to Gin and me that this book accurately reflect the story of how the two of us learned to deal with - and overcome - impotence.

And how could we think otherwise? Impotence, by its very nature, affects both partners in a relationship, so, logically, any story about it should give equal time to both the male and female voices.

But writing isn't something I'm very good at.

So when we had to decide who would actually put the story on paper, we always knew it would be Gin who would do the writing.

This doesn't mean, however, that I sat back while Gin told my story "as she saw it."

I was an active, involved participant in this book, reading the text as it evolved daily. I frequently critiqued Gin's interpretation, and added and deleted details freely. I included my opinions and corrected her perceptions when I needed to.

Gin and I have spent literally hundreds of hours talking about scenes, dialogue and, most importantly, the journal entries that offer our most personal reflections.

The time and energy we have invested in Making Love Again, however, have been worth every second. Not only have we been able to produce a book of which we are both proud, but we've also been able to analyze our own story from a more objective, distanced point of view. In the "Looking Back" sections of the book, you'll find that we've really put that objective point of view to work - reflecting back with six years of hindsight. In the thick of things, sometimes we said or did the wrong thing. Other times we didn't grasp what the other person was feeling. But now that we're in a place where we can better understand our emotional responses to impotence, we want to share what we've learned-along with the greater appreciation for happiness and joy we've found in our sexual relationship.

Our goal was always to write a book that focused not so much on the cause of impotence but on its effects. I would be remiss, though, if I did not at this point acknowledge the reality of my "trigger" for becoming impotent.

Prostate cancer is a deadly disease, and should never be underestimated in its ability to kill. While I feel I'm cured of my disease, I never want to come across as minimizing that threat. I have only the deepest respect and empathy for the thousands of cancer victims who have never had the chance, like I did, to get beyond fighting the disease. I know I'm one lucky guy - and I often find myself embarrassed and humbled by the fact that I've survived while so many others have not.

But I did survive, and the question became: Now what do I do with my life?

My hope is that, in part, this book gives back to the prostate-cancer community - and to anyone suffering from impotence. I want others to realize that there is hope after becoming sexually dysfunctional.

Life can still be rewarding.

And you can still have great sex!

- Keith Laken


main menu   -   prostate   -   stories   -   articles   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

Unless otherwise stated and credited, the content of Phoenix5 (P5) is by and the opinion of and copyright © 2000 Robert Vaughn Young. All Rights Reserved. P5 is at <>. P5's policy regarding privacy and right to reprint are at <>.