phoenix 5 - to help men and their companions overcome issues created by prostate cancer
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A selection from
cover of book

photo of Keith and Virginia Laken
with permission of
Ant Hill Press
Laken Menu

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Looking Back
Finally, We Can Laugh

Humor and impotence from Gin's perspective . . .

Learning to appreciate the humor of our situation has followed a path similar to that of learning to talk about our experiences. It has been a journey with many twists - and one that often stops for a while before it starts up again.

During Keith's recovery, I vacillated many times over what I thought was funny. A situation that seemed humorous to me one day appeared tragically pathetic the next. And many days, I literally cried through my laughter.

Today, that confusion is gone. Now I can joke and tease right along with Keith about our "unconventional" lovemaking, and I can openly appreciate the humor of the moment. Like the time we forgot our vial of medication in an ice bucket in a California hotel, and laughingly decided it would be much less embarrassing to get a new prescription than to call and ask for it to be sent to us.

Having witnessed the healing that comes from laughter, I welcome it into our life, and often initiate it.

But timing is everything!

In the first year of recovery, when Keith's emotional state would swing from high to low unexpectedly, it was difficult to predict how humor would be received. Consequently, I often misjudged Keith's mood or underestimated the stress of the moment,and any attempt at humor could be received by Keith as being critical.

Thankfully, those times are behind us. As our relationship has improved, our sense of humor has fully returned, and now joking is once again an important part of our life.

I've discovered a similar evolution happens when we're talking with others who share our fate. When we swap stories, trust develops - and at some point we are able to move past the tears and share a good laugh together. And the beauty of that moment is

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