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A Phoenix5 First-Person Story


Find A Way To Connect

by "Anne"
(contains some adult language)

  March 11, 2000

Dear Robert,

I think Phoenix5 is a great idea. One area that I would like to see addressed is why PC leads to the breakdown of communication between the man and their mate.

couple talking on balcony overlooking a city I've just sent the enclosed letter to a man who is considering finding a mistress. You will see by my letter I myself became involved with a man who had PC and needed to feel the warmth and touch of a woman's body.

I don't think my ex-lover is a rare case. I wonder what the statistics are? Has anyone every tried to see how many couples were connecting sexually before PC and afterward they were no longer able to connect?

Good luck with your new site. If you would like to use my enclosed letter please change the names. Also an idea for your site is to discuss different techniques that can be used to help lovers connect.

It took years for my ex lover but through Tantra techniques and energy work he experienced orgasms unlike anything he had ever experienced before PC. His penis was also starting to respond and we were at the point of experiencing penetration, which led to more guilt on his part.

We are no longer lovers and his life is once again void of touch. I know he could be of help to other man but of course under the circumstances he can't speak up. I have not shared this on the list because I did not want to get hate mail. I have shared it with a few people, one to one, with the hope that it help someone not make the same mistakes my ex-lover and I did.


****start of letter

Dear ______,

You wrote;
"Always wanted an understanding, some common bond or something. Have had a very few one-timers, but they were brought on in unusual ways. And I think that PC is an unusual thing that could in right circumstances be the bond -- fulfilling a very complex need, with an up-front understanding of the purpose for getting together, Somewhat as we go to a therapist for treatment, although not in a medical sense. What we desire is NOT to damage the relationship we have with our mates, but to simply make life more bearable UNDER the circumstances, without resorting to simply "paying" for relief, or misleading someone into thinking we are open prey for a long term thing. I wouldn't think of going to bed with someone who is a simple pick-up,--who was last? how many? same applies to a prostitute." (end)

spacerI'm sending you this in private because I don't want to be burnt at the stake. I hope if you really have a good relationship with your wife you will think long and hard about what you have written.

spacerIt sounds good in theory but it doesn't work. I tried a relationship with a man who was a very gentle loving man. He made it very clear to me that he was not going to hurt his wife. The only thing missing in his life was touch. He was looking for some erotic moments. Touch. He was honest from day one. That was 15 months ago. I honestly thought I would not get hurt.

spacerYes we both experienced great sex. He found out he was still a wonderful lover. No problem, right? Wrong. Emotions came into play, namely love, with both of us ending up getting hurt.

spacerSo now he's back where he started from. No touch. No erotic moments. He still has his wife and his comfortable life. Me? I'm left with pain. And I've lost someone who had become a good friend as well as a wonderful lover.

spacerA question I've asked him and will ask you. If your relationship is so wonderful why can't you and your wife find a way to connect as lovers?

spacerFrom what I've been reading on the list the wives are just as tormented as the husbands, so why not find a way to connect as lovers? It will take work. You will have to take risk. But isn't the risk of talking to your wife better than bringing a third person into the equation and hurting them?

spacerI hope you find a way to connect with your wife. There are many techniques that can help. My ex-lover thought he couldn't have sex after PC but he is a powerful and skilled lover unfortunately his wife will never know.


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