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Two things that helped me beyond belief

[This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Jan sent this as private email on 1/16/03. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]

a woman in grief I don't know why I have waited to respond but I sure have been thinking about this and what I might add to the thread. Not much I think, but I can tell you two things that helped beyond belief.

The first was finding the Circle** which my children did for me. The support of this group can't be measured and they walked with me the whole time Tom was suffering. Tom didn't want to get on the computer but he was glad I was on it and once in a while he would send a message which he would write out long hand and have me type in. I think it might be a good idea if any partner were part of the Circle and could describe her own emotions as they happen. We will take care of her.

The second was a friend of mine. We worked together for many years but while Tom was alive never visited socially. But after his death my friend would call me every night, about 9 or 10 when all was quiet. Never said much, would ask what I did that day, tell me what she did. The call didn't last long many times but it broke that terrible silence. For some reason I never expected the call, never assumed she would make it. But she never forgot and I look back on how much those calls meant to me.

I'm glad you are putting these thoughts together for others. There is so much of a mate dying that each one has to do alone. But the little things that have helped each of us might well help another.

Best, Susan

** Circle is a mailing list.


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