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[This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Daryl sent this to me as a private email on 1/13/03. It is reproduced here with his kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]

a woman in grief I am writing this from the perspective of watching my father after my mothers death from breast cancer at age 54.

It seems to me that not only is it too easy, it is almost automatic that the spouses life becomes totally focused on the one dying. This can last from several months to several years. Then when the patient dies the surviving spouse is at a total loss with limited outside routine, interests, or even contact. One thing I think we can do is to encourage our spouses to continue outside interests even during our last days. This may mean having our children, friends, or hospice help with the personal care so that they can have time and energy to continue these activities.

My father had a sense of lost that that could not be filled by his children or grandchildren. He isolated himself from his friends and other family for several years. This is why I think it is important to maintain outside contact so that these relationships are continuing and do not need to be restarted again after the death.

Just my thoughts,


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