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[This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Cathy sent this to me as a private email on 1/13/03. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]

a woman in grief Your letter is a tough one to answer.

I attended a class and saw a list of the 100 most stressful things in a person's life. Grieving and Divorce was at the top of the list. My husband passed away in 1998.

You can not have "fire drills" for grief when there is a loss. Each person will grieving differently as they each have their own unique personality. Some cope better than others. Others take longer than others.

The first year is a year of shock and the second year is where the acceptance takes place. A person who lost their spouses suddenly grieves differently that those whose spouses died from long illnesses. A loss of a child, loss of a relative, and loss of a friend is different in the loss of a spouse.

People who live around the spouse can sometimes feel afraid and are dumbfounded as what to say to the widow or widower and they tend to back away after the first month or so. But there are good sources for support. Older children can be a good source of help when a person feels helpless by pitching in to keep up the house or fixing a meal. A church group can also a good support for help. The computer was my source for support for the last four years as I found a group that were my age and was able talk with them. A mother, father, siblings can also lessen the blow by being there for them. There are also lessor people to which your wife can go to such as a grief counselor.

I know you are concerned about Caren. She should be Okay. If she has taken care of herself and is a feisty lady, she will have very little problems except for the fact of missing you.



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This information is provided for educational purposes only and does not replace or amend professional medical advice. Unless otherwise stated and credited, the content of Phoenix5 (P5) is by and the opinion of and copyright © 2000 Robert Vaughn Young. All Rights Reserved. P5 is at <>. P5's policy regarding privacy and right to reprint are at <>.