skip navigation bar and go to text phoenix 5 - to help men and their companions overcome issues created by prostate cancer
main menu   -   articles   -   prostate   -   stories   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

[This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Carol sent this to me as a private email on 1/13/03. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]

a woman in grief Thank you for addressing this painful topic and asking the questions.

Even before my husband was diagnosed, I became aware of the possibility of being totally alone and began to fear it.

My parents are 80. I am glad to still have them but they can't be here forever. I have one brother who does not have children. I have two children, a daughter in Minnesota, married to a man the same age as her father. I worry about her also as her husband and many peers are my age and she is not close to her brother and likely won't have children. My son is getting married and around but I wouldn't be able to depend on him emotionally and of course it wouldn't be right either.

Also, we are moving to Texas where I won't know anyone.

I have lost touch with cousins, extended family. That is one of the great problems of modern Society. We do not have close knit families or neighborhoods that would absorb some of the troubles of the greater whole such as the Amish do. While working over the years, I was pretty oblivious to this as I didn't have the energy to keep up with family and friends and work too.

My goal this year is to work on that aspect, to make friends and reconnect with family as I am able. I have also read that it is important for people to make friends who are younger as they age to prevent this loss of everyone. Still, I do not think anything can totally mitigate the loss of a spouse and the one who is left will have to suffer much grief alone even if many others are around.

Many of us women have never lived alone; I never have. I have not paid attention to the financial aspect of life in years though I am educated.

I think part of what we women need to do is to do more of the things we don't like to do such as go to the auto repair shop etc. I have begun a little traveling on my own too. We know we are likely to live longer than the men and need to increase independence now. It is easy to just let the guy do the unpleasant things.

I hope you do get some good responses from widows about how they coped and are coping. It is a topic we all think about.

My prayers for you too.


main menu   -   articles   -   prostate   -   stories   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

This information is provided for educational purposes only and does not replace or amend professional medical advice. Unless otherwise stated and credited, the content of Phoenix5 (P5) is by and the opinion of and copyright © 2000 Robert Vaughn Young. All Rights Reserved. P5 is at <>. P5's policy regarding privacy and right to reprint are at <>.