skip navigation bar and go to text phoenix 5 - to help men and their companions overcome issues created by prostate cancer
main menu   -   articles   -   prostate   -   stories   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

[This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Bob sent this to me as a private email on 1/13/03. It is reproduced here with his kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]

a woman in grief You bring up an unpopular but very necessary issue for us all to consider and you are to be commended for that. We can't bury our heads in the sand and pretend we will not die someday and that our wives and loved ones will grieve over our loss.

Now is the time to get our affairs in order to make it easier on all our Carens. A Will may not always be the best way to go for some of us. A Trust may be better. It's important to know how properties and homes are titled (joint tenancy with right of survivorship or ???). It's well worth seeing an estate attorney to get these things in order if you don't know what to do yourself. At least get some estate planning books at your library.

Our Carens need a support group. Family, friends, church members if appropriate, neighbors, etc.

Having been a Hospice volunteer and helped widows I stress that all of us should definitely tell out wives where all our important documents are. Our military DD-214's if we're veterans, our marriage certificates, titles to property, bank account numbers, stocks, etc. So many widows have no idea where any of these things are when they are needed. Veterans are entitled to a military honor guard or burial at sea if cremated. If you've been the one handling the money and paying the bills train your wife to do that.

A period of grief is a normal reaction to the loss of a loved one. Expect it and accept it.

Most of us are older men and we've led our lives. Many others died very young in combat or in other violent deaths. So be thankful for our lives and the time we've had together. Death is something everyone will experience, We are not unique. Depending on your religious beliefs it may or may not be anything to fear. Most of us do not fear death but rather the dying process. There is no reason anyone should suffer pain nowadays. Morphine can alleviate that. Our loved ones must accept reality and live through the process and continue their lives. We should all get our bricks in order before we go to make that easier on the loved ones we leave behind.

I am a Christian so I have faith and belief in God and prayer. If you have ever watched the TV program "Crossing Over" on the sci-fi channel with John Edwards that may give you some hope that there is life after death. Good luck and God bless.



main menu   -   articles   -   prostate   -   stories   -   sexuality   -   resources   -   glossary   -   search

This information is provided for educational purposes only and does not replace or amend professional medical advice. Unless otherwise stated and credited, the content of Phoenix5 (P5) is by and the opinion of and copyright © 2000 Robert Vaughn Young. All Rights Reserved. P5 is at <>. P5's policy regarding privacy and right to reprint are at <>.