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a woman in grief This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Anne sent this to me as a private email on 1/13/03. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]

Although my husband and I haven't discussed this in depth, I find myself, like many other older women, "rehearsing" what I will do when/if he dies before I do. Statistically, that will happen because he is 12 years older than I and has been treated for PCa. However, I could drop dead of a heart attack tomorrow. Who knows.

But, to answer your question, cultural anthropologists and aging specialists have noticed that older women especially, often play act/rehearse the role of widow without being overtly aware of it when they do. I have made it my business to know about our finances, investments, etc., car maintenance and so forth. All of that is the practical stuff of life. When it comes to grieving and who will be here to comfort me, I suppose I'm counting on the four of our five children who live in [the same state that] I do. It remains to be seen what will really happen.

I wish I had a good answer. I think each person deals with death of a spouse in her/his own way and until it happens, no one knows what that way is. I look forward to reading the responses that you receive. Leave it to you to ask the really good questions.


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