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Screaming for help


[On January 28, 2000, I was trying to read a Web site about treating prostate cancer and I was buried under the technical terms. Completely frustrated, I threw this onto the Prostate-Help Mailing List (PHML), under the subject line, "How the hell do you guys do it?"]

First, I struggled to understand [the language on the page], feeling like I did in that Chem 101 class I failed. (laugh)

Second, and this applies to other items [I read], it can get so damned depressing! There's this side-effect and that, some that I didn't even know about, so now I have to watch for them. Meanwhile the sort-of-nice feeling I had is gone after reading it and my GF [girlfriend] will want to know why I'm down.

Does everyone go through this? Or is someone just gonna tell me that this is part of it if you want to fight it, as in "no pain, no gain."

Normally I'd just close the damned [Web] site and go outside or play with my dog and forget it but I can't now. Mark it up to the same attitude I'll take to my donkeycologist. Or maybe I'm just getting more pissed at my condition and so I vent. After all I was dx'd only two months ago.

But dammit, guys, if one does this for a year, yeah, you can toss around chemical and ocological terms like a pro and feel comfortable with it but then there are those of us coming in who can at times be scared shitless, trying to understand and then getting more scared at what we read and we don't know who the hell to ask and so the flake [me] dumps it on a list like this because he doesn't have anyone else to tell.

If I weren't alcohol intolerant (another damned side effect of nilutamide) I'd get drunk right now and break down and cry.

I'm only doing this because I know there are some out there who know exactly what it felt like.


[For responses and their advice, go to the VETS ADVICE MENU.]


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