Two things that helped me beyond belief
[This is a response to my post of 1/13/03. Jan sent this as private email on 1/16/03. It is reproduced here with her kind permission. -- Robert Young, Webmaster]
I don't know why I have waited to respond but I sure have been thinking about
this and what I might add to the thread. Not much I think, but I can tell
you two things that helped beyond belief.
The first was finding the Circle** which my children did for me. The support
of this group can't be measured and they walked with me the whole time Tom
was suffering. Tom didn't want to get on the computer but he was glad I was
on it and once in a while he would send a message which he would write out
long hand and have me type in. I think it might be a good idea if any partner were part of the Circle and could describe her own emotions as they happen. We
will take care of her.
The second was a friend of mine. We worked together for many years but while
Tom was alive never visited socially. But after his death my friend would
call me every night, about 9 or 10 when all was quiet. Never said much,
would ask what I did that day, tell me what she did. The call didn't last
long many times but it broke that terrible silence. For some reason I never
expected the call, never assumed she would make it. But she never forgot and
I look back on how much those calls meant to me.
I'm glad you are putting these thoughts together for others. There is so
much of a mate dying that each one has to do alone. But the little things
that have helped each of us might well help another.
** Circle is a mailing list.
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